hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
