Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
why do cheetos always look like penises
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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