You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
