We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
