You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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