Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
