I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize