pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
