im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
