So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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