Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
