Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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