i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
