I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
