can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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