No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
