So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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