just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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