you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
