Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I didn't shave. On purpose
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
