I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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