This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
