therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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