if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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