Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
