yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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