it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
