I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
