Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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