I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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