I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize