I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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