dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
