remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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