That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
