i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
