I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
