I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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