I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My liver just had a heart attack.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
