My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
