Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Randomize
