This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
