I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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