lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
