the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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