Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
