just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
