You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
