I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
