So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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