He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
