ugly people sure do ruin things
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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