I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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