i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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