So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
