Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
