I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
