remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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