Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can I color on your dick again?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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