Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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