did you get engaged???
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
