Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
