Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
