Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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