Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
