I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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