we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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