they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
