I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
