he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
