Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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