12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
