Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
