fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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