if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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