He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
