All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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