Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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