im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
