Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed

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  (480): allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed http://tfl.nu/9co8
  Replies (14) Good night (1192) Bad night (706)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

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  (267): My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/qmj6
  Replies (102) Good night (1413) Bad night (3825)
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  (742): View more from

  What happened last night?

  (1-742): View more from

  You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.

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  (742): What happened last night? (1-742): You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth. http://tfl.nu/koqa
  Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (4911)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.

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  (404): If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs. http://tfl.nu/yiw2
  Replies (12) Good night (1219) Bad night (4989)
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  (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

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  (914): every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now http://tfl.nu/173b
  Replies (25) Good night (9033) Bad night (1493)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

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  (+44): You are the patron saint of my drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/rquk
  Replies (10) Good night (4292) Bad night (1071)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker

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  (617): I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker http://tfl.nu/yzaq
  Replies (25) Good night (6494) Bad night (979)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

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  (718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl
  Replies (155) Good night (8225) Bad night (8576)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"

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  (519): Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake" http://tfl.nu/m7yz
  Replies (12) Good night (3249) Bad night (1588)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism

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  (856): She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism http://tfl.nu/a0zc
  Replies (16) Good night (1572) Bad night (902)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?

  (281): View more from Texas

  If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!

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  (214): Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex? (281): If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy! http://tfl.nu/0a5o
  Replies (16) Good night (2435) Bad night (645)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts

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  (623): Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts http://tfl.nu/oqnb
  Replies (8) Good night (2143) Bad night (590)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.

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  (507): You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success. http://tfl.nu/320u
  Replies (6) Good night (1560) Bad night (529)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.

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  (610): You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now. http://tfl.nu/4au1
  Replies (4) Good night (906) Bad night (402)
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  (707): View more from California

  I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.

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  (707): I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over. http://tfl.nu/3xvt
  Replies (2) Good night (588) Bad night (317)

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