PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im holly from the hills drunk
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions