your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The pigeons can smell the fear
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.