idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree