I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
