So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have already put on my inside pants.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
