The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
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