Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
