So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
