hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
