you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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