So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
